


you didn't even notice it ain't raining anymore

by harryisqueen



Series: be my beloved despite the hardships [2]
Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Cheryl Blossom Needs a Hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/F, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mild Language, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Relationship(s), the anniversary effect
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2020-07-28 01:34:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20055871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harryisqueen/pseuds/harryisqueen
Summary: Breath in.Hold it for 7.Breathe out for 4.5 years later and it still felt as if Nick was controlling her life.





	you didn't even notice it ain't raining anymore

**Author's Note:**

> This one-shot is kind of a follow up based in the same universe as my choni AU. I'd suggest reading that first :)  
Which can be read [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17603795/chapters/41498024)

** _When it rains it pours but you didn't even notice_ **

Cheryl shoved her way out of the crowded grocery store the smell of cool water cologne still clogging her nostrils and suddenly it felt as if she couldn’t breathe.

Breath in.

Hold it for 7.

Breathe out for 4.

5 years later and it still felt as if Nick was controlling her life.

Cheryl knew this sinking feeling would return right before November 16th.

Her therapist had originally explained it to her the first year after Nick’s death.

The anniversary effect.

Around the time Nick had abducted her and killed himself the nightmares may come back with more intensity and she’d feel a general feeling of mental discomfort.

The first time it had happened she had been so overwhelmed and for the first time in 7 months she felt out of control of her life.

** _It ain't rainin' anymore, it's hard to breathe when all we know is the struggle of staying above, the rising water line_ **

4 years ago

_Cheryl woke up at 6 am November 15th and went about her daily routine trying to shake the feeling she’d had for the four days._

_No matter how much Cheryl tried to distract herself she couldn’t shake the nagging feeling at the back of her head._

_As if something bad had happened and she wasn’t aware of it yet or something horrific was bound to happen._

_It didn’t hit her until November 15th at 11:57 pm (very ironic timing if you asked Cheryl)._

_She was trying to fall asleep and was nearly there when it felt as if she was dropped into an alternate reality._

_A dream._

_A dream with the perfect bird’s eye view to see Nick with his arm holding her tightly._

_His other hand wrapped around the gun which was shoving itself into her jaw._

_Cheryl watched on in horror from her point of view as Nick raised the gun the metal of the barrel nestling itself inside his mouth._

_Bang._

_Cheryl’s heart lodged itself into her throat as she watched herself shove Nick’s body off her as it crumped to the pavement of the balcony._

_Cheryl tried to scream but just like in that moment she was speechless._

_She couldn’t make a sound as Nick’s blood was splattered on her body._

_She could feel it as it soaked through her clothes and into her clothes._

_Warm, thick & sticky._

_“Cher you need to wake up. You’re still in the present its November 15th 2020\. You live with me your girlfriend Toni Topaz. You live on 6708 canal street Riverdale, New York. You’re home and you are safe.”_

_Toni’s words tore through Cheryl’s dream causing her dream to fade out and Toni’s blurry figure to come into focus._

_Cheryl’s chest was heaving as the dream ran through her head like a movie on fast forward._

_“Cher I need you to breathe with me.”_

_Cheryl’s eyes locked with her girlfriends._

_Breath in._

_Hold it for 7._

_Breathe out for 4._

_Soon after their breathing exercise, Cheryl felt herself finally relaxing, the tightness leaving her chest_

_Coming back to reality after an intense nightmare was never easy for Cheryl but she truly didn’t know what she’d do without her girlfriend._

_“I thought the nightmares had calmed down?”_

_Toni was looking at Cheryl with worry clouding her eyes._

_The nightmares had stopped for almost 4 months now._

_Apparently, they were back._

_“They had but they’re back and with more force than before,” Cheryl said with a dry laugh._

_“Do you wanna talk about this one babe?”_

_“Not right now sorry,” Cheryl mumbled._

_“That’s okay don’t apologize.” Toni murmured._

Present

** _'Cause the sky is finally open, the rain and wind stopped blown'_ **

The next day, November 16th 2020 Cheryl had driven herself to her a therapist’s office for an emergency visit where her therapist had explained the anniversary effect while profusely apologizing for not telling Cheryl about it sooner.

** _But you're stuck out in the same old storm again_ **

Now on November 16th 2024, she found herself leaning against the side of the grocery store trying to breathe and on top of that trying to get the stench of his goddamn cologne out of her nose.

Cheryl had caught on semi-early that even the smell of cool water Nick’s signature cologne could send her into an intense panic attack and would then be followed by a few days of depression so strong she’d lay in bed and do nothing but sleep.

She was older and better now though her therapist had taught her ways to cope and not be so affected by things but sometimes she couldn’t help her reactions.

Her senses were always on the defence and high alert when she was in public alone.

Having someone with her always made her feel safer.

She wasn’t codependent.

Her therapist had even told her she was the furthest thing from it.

She just didn’t like to be alone in situations she felt could pose a threat and since Nick had managed to abduct her and take advantage of her when she was alone and in public she had negative feelings towards being alone in public.

In this situation, she knew a smell couldn’t hurt her but it never failed to get the best of her.

Cheryl was startled from her thoughts as her phone vibrated aggressively in her pocket.

She pulled her phone out of her pocket to see her girlfriend was trying to call her.

Cheryl sighed as she rejected the call.

She’d explain the whole situation to Toni later.

She’d gotten so much better at actually doing so.

Cheryl stood up on shaky legs and before she made her way back to her car she typed out a quick text to Toni so she wouldn’t worry as to why Cheryl didn’t answer.

**Cheryl; Sorry I missed your call, I’m finishing at the grocery store I should be home in half an hour.**

Cheryl shoved her phone back into her pocket then marched her way towards her car to make a pit stop at a different grocery store on the way home.

*****

“T-t I’m homeee,” Cheryl called into their shared apartment.

She was holding not only quite a few bags of groceries but a bag of pops and 2 sodas.

“I wanted to talk to you about something that happened to me today at the grocery store since ya know my therapist advised me it’s best to talk to you about things that upset me,” Cheryl said distractedly as she kicked the door shut with her foot.

She then made her way into the kitchen dumping the groceries on the table.

She made her way into the living room holding the pop’s in her hand she froze in the entryway however to see Betty & Jughead sitting on the couch.

Cheryl was confused for a moment and then it hit her.

“Shit guys I forgot we were going to have dinner tonight, I totally spaced. I can put this pops in the fridge for tomorrow and then we can leave.”

Cheryl spun on her heel back into the kitchen to put the pop’s into the fridge.

She felt bad but she just wasn’t feeling going out to dinner she was feeling drained and tired from the whole debacle at the grocery store earlier.

“Is everything okay Cher? You said there was something you wanted to talk to me about?”

“Everything’s fine we can talk about it later. We shouldn’t leave Betty & Jug waiting.” Cheryl said.

“Are you sure? We don’t have to go out with them if you don’t want to.”

The pleasant ache never left when Toni looked at her with the most genuine love& concern she’d ever seen.

Toni was always there loving her.

Always supporting her no matter what she wanted to do.

** _You hold tight to your umbrella, darlin' I'm just tryin' to tell ya that there's always been a rainbow hangin' over your head_ **

4 years, 10 months ago (10 months after Nick’s death)

_Cheryl was getting better._

_Her therapist was always encouraging about how well Cheryl was doing always ensuring to tell her that everyone heals and overcomes trauma at different speeds._

_She and Toni were still living with Betty and Jughead however the former was in no rush for Cheryl to move out._

_Cheryl knew they always meant well but sometimes their concern for her although genuine was smothering._

_It felt as if they were walking on eggshells around her but at the same time holding a pillow of concern over her face making it so she couldn’t breathe._

_It made her feel trapped._

_She decided she was ready to move out._

_So after work that day she pulled Toni into their shared room after dinner to talk to her about it._

_Toni sat on the edge of the bed eyes glowing with concern as she awaited what Cheryl needed to talk about._

_“Is everything alright babe?”_

_Cheryl ignored Toni as she dug through the bathroom drawers in search of the pamphlet she had picked up for the apartment on canal street._

_“Found it!” Cheryl shouted._

_Toni watched in confusion as Cheryl walked back into the bedroom pamphlet in hand._

_“Look at this,” Cheryl said with a grin._

_She shoved the apartment pamphlet at Toni and watched on in suspense as Toni’s eyes scanned the pages reading it._

_Toni folded the pamphlet back up then turned slightly to face Cheryl._

_“You want to move out of here.” She paused for a second “To move into an apartment together?”_

_Cheryl didn’t miss the look of pure happiness on Toni’s face._

_“Yes, babe if you want to I’m ready to move out of here and get our own place.”_

_“Of course I want to move out with you! Whatever you want to do is what we’ll do.”_

** _Oh tie up your bow, take off your coat and take a look around_ **

Present

“It’s fine Toni I’ll tell you what happened later but right now we have a dinner to get to with our friend.”

Toni looked reluctant but followed Cheryl into the living room towards their friends anyway.

*****

Normally Cheryl loved hanging out as a foursome with herself, Toni, Betty & Jughead but to say she was not feeling it tonight would be the understatement of the century.

It was proving to be more and more difficult to pay attention to the conversation and the people around her as her mind just kept drifting.

Kept drifting back to her panic attack from earlier.

Keep drifting to the real-life nightmare of Nick’s death.

Time like this she felt ridiculous and hopeless, she felt as if Nick would always have that strangling hold on her life.

He’d always be in the driver’s seat steering her off the tallest cliff.

Cheryl reached for her glass of water and took a large drink setting it down back on the table.

“And here’s your food.”

Chery jumped slightly at the voice of their waiter behind her.

And then that smell again.

That goddamn smell that always seemed to make her spiral.

He hadn’t been this close to her when taking their drink orders why did he have to stand so close now?

Cheryl swallowed and picked back up her water she had set down just a few moments before.

She tried to focus on her breathing as the waiter set their food down around the table.

She would not have another panic attack today.

One was enough she didn’t need another.

However, so it turns out trying to convince herself not to have a panic attack made the situation so much worse.

Cheryl pushed out her seat abruptly standing up causing all eyes at the table to shift to her.

“I need to go to the bathroom.” Cheryl sputtered out before taking off for the bathroom.

She weaved her way through the restaurant until she reached the bathroom shoving open the door then locking herself in a stall.

Breath in.

Hold it for 7.

Breathe out for 4.

A few moments later she heard the door to the bathroom swing open and the familiar voice of Toni rang through the bathroom.

“Cher are you okay? Can we talk?”

Cheryl released a shaky breath “Give me a sec Toni.”

Cheryl grabbed a few squares of toilet paper and dabbed at her eyes and then opened the stall door gesturing Toni in.

Toni, of course, came right in and Cheryl resumed her seat on the toilet lid as Toni locked the stall door.

The two sat in silence for a few seconds until Toni spoke.

“I told Betty and Jughead we might be a while and if we don’t come back to the table at all to just box our food.”

Cheryl nodded swallowing the large lump in her throat.

“Our waiter was wearing cool water.” Cheryl spit out.

Realization crossed over Toni’s face.

“Oh, Cher.”

Cheryl bit her lip as she eyes filled with fresh tears,

Toni leaned down embracing Cheryl in a tight hug.

“He’s still controlling my life, Toni. 5 years now and it still feels like there’s something everywhere I go that reminds me of him.” Cheryl sobbed.

Toni pulled back to look Cheryl in the eyes.

“Cher it’s all part of the recovery process it doesn’t matter how long it’s been certain things might always trigger something but that doesn’t mean that Nick’s in control of your life. It means your human and you’re feeling things because of what happened to you with Nick.”

Cheryl knew this, of course, her therapist and friends had pretty much drilled this into her brain but she couldn’t shake the annoyance at the panic attacks she couldn’t control thanks to her time with Nick.

“Do you wanna go home, Cher? Like I said earlier Betty & Jug will understand and I’ll pay them later for our dinner.”

Cheryl just nodded her head too tired to try and come up with a coherent response.

*********

The two of them got home at 10:27 pm and Chery immediately went to take a shower while Toni pulled the pop’s out of the fridge to reheat from earlier insisting they still needed to eat.

Cheryl got out of the shower and upon glancing at the clock she saw with glowing letters it was 11:07 pm.

She made her way into the living room to see Toni sitting on the couch their food from pop’s spread on the coffee table in front of them.

“Cher earlier you said you wanted to talk to me about something. Are you ready to talk about it?”

Cheryl plopped herself on the couch next to Toni.

“Earlier today when I was in the grocery store grocery shopping I was almost to the front of the checkout and then someone came up behind me wearing cool water and I panicked. I dropped my groceries and ran out of the store.”

“I’m glad you told me, Cher, just keep in mind what your therapist said about the anniversary effect your emotions are heightened because of what happened with Nick today.”

Toni rubbed a comforting hand up and down Cheryl’s arm and the two of them ate their burger and fries as some random sit-com played on the TV.

** _Everything is alright now_ **

After finishing their dinner and a few more episodes of the sit-com the two were ready for bed.

She felt much better after being able to relax and unwind before bed.

She was done with the day.

She knew Nick would still plague her mind at times but it was never as bad as it was around November 16th.

** _'Cause the sky is finally open, the rain and wind stopped blowin' but you're stuck out in the same old storm again_ **

And as they crawled into bed and Cheryl cuddled herself into Toni her eyes locked on the digital clock on the bedside table that read;

_November 17th 1:47 am._

** _Let go of your umbrella, darlin' I'm just tryin' to tell ya that there's always been a rainbow hangin' over your head_ **

Nick would never control her again.

No matter what day or month it was he was gone now and couldn’t hurt her.

Everything that happened involving him is now just a memory.

And she’d be okay.

** _It’ll all be alright._ **

**Author's Note:**

> Y'all thought I was done with the universe.
> 
> HA BET.
> 
> I'm aware the lyrics throughout the fic might be corny but I kinda like it lmaoooo
> 
> Anyways! thoughts?
> 
> [My tumblr](http://www.harryisqu33n.tumblr.com)


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